


nothing less than perfect

by felinedetached



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe — Hogwarts, F/F, House Rivalry, Hufflepuff Kanaya Maryam, Ravenclaw Jade Harley, Rose Lalonde/Jade Harley - Freeform, Rose is Gay for Everyone, Scheming, Sibling Rivalry, Slytherin Feferi Peixes, Slytherin Rose Lalonde, Slytherin Vriska Serket, both are there but not like major parts of the fic so, rose lalonde/kanaya maryam - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-13
Updated: 2019-06-13
Packaged: 2020-05-07 09:59:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19207084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/felinedetached/pseuds/felinedetached
Summary: Rose Lalonde was, of course, expecting to be sorted into Slytherin. That is where her brother went, and her brother’s father before him, and her sister’s mother before him. Even if her other sister followed Rose’s mother to Ravenclaw, and her other brother followed his brother’s father to Hufflepuff. Slytherin is just the place for her; with its green ties and cunning ambition, and the loyalty reserved for only a few. She has been perfectly happy with her sorting for the past four years, thank you very much; and Gryffindor’s winning streak has donenothingto change that.





	nothing less than perfect

Rose Lalonde was, of course, expecting to be sorted into Slytherin. That is where her brother went, and her brother’s father before him, and her sister’s mother before him. Even if her other sister followed Rose’s mother to Ravenclaw, and her other brother followed his brother’s father to Hufflepuff. Slytherin is just the place for her; with its green ties and cunning ambition, and the loyalty reserved for only a few. She has been perfectly happy with her sorting for the past four years, thank you very much; and Gryffindor’s winning streak has done _nothing_ to change that.

She doesn’t wish she was in Gryffindor, she just wishes Gryffindor would just _stop winning_. Which is where Vriska Serket comes in.

Vriska Serket is the epitome of all things Slytherin, cunning and ambitious, with a strong distaste for losing and a healthy dose of loyalty to her own house and none other. (She is also insanely pretty, with cerulean eyes - cerulean, not blue - and long black hair. Whenever she’s around, Rose finds herself realising that she is, as her brother would put it, pretty fucking gay.)

Regardless, Serket’s supernatural ability to get other houses in trouble while keeping herself _out_ of it is something that comes in handy often, and Rose will not be ashamed for utilising it. Because of this (and, honestly, because she has a flair for the dramatics - and this most _certainly_ counts as dramatic) she arranges herself in the harsh and artful way of a proper Lalonde on one of the couches in the common room; facing the door and waiting for Serket’s arrival. It should be rather prompt - Serket is, however unpredictable, a creature of habit. (This is a rather contradictory thing, but Rose does not question it. She knows it is useful, and that is that - she can psychoanalyse Serket’s eccentricities later, once her plan has been enacted.)

True enough, Serket arrives in the common room at precisely the predicted time. “Serket,” Rose says, inclining her head and gesturing to the plush chair in front of her and just to the right. It gives her housemate the perfect view of all that has been set up. “Take a seat.”

“I don’t think I will,” Serket replies, her words an accented drawl. Rose hates it - the woman is perfectly capable of enunciating - they’re from the same place - but she chooses not to. “I think I’ll stay standing.”

She thinks it will give her power, of course, to be towering over Rose. She won’t let Serket take that power. “Do as you wish,” Rose says, a noncommittal shrug and wave of her hand the only outward signs of anything. Rose takes care not to convey irritation; but instead calm and easy acceptance. She has found that nothing irritates the other girl more.

Suddenly uneasy, Serket leans against the previously offered chair. “What do you want, Lalonde?” she asks, “You don’t need the answers to the next potions pop quiz - you could have been a Ravenclaw with the results you’ve been getting.” Rose can’t help but make a face at the prospect of being in Ravenclaw - nothing could possibly be worse. Slytherin is the house for her, and while Ravenclaw wouldn’t have been that bad, Rose will accept nothing less than perfect.

“You would be correct,” she concedes, leaning back to fix Serket with a vivid purple stare, “I don’t need answers to a pop quiz, but cheating may perhaps be on the agenda.”

“Oh?” Serket visibly perks up, almost like an excited puppy. “Never thought I’d see the day a _Lalonde_ cheated, what with your mother and her sister being such exemplary students. Not to mention Lalonde the elder-”

“Shut up.” Rose snaps, glaring. “This is for the benefit of not just me, but the whole of Slytherin. I am proposing a plan to catch a few of the Gryffindors out of bed; potentially losing them many more points than they are capable of earning back.”

“Oooooooo, scheming to take down the Gryffindors?” Serket finally drops herself into the armchair Rose had pointed out to her earlier, tilting her head back in a way that is _unfairly_ attractive. “I’m game. What’re you thinking?”

Rose folds her black-painted fingernails under her chin, offering her partner-in-crime a knowing smirk. “You’ll like it. That, I can guarantee.”

Serket laughs, open and free and says; “I like your style, Lalonde. Let’s roll.”

* * *

While scheming with Serket is inordinately entertaining, Rose has both other commitments and other friends, in Slytherin and other houses alike. Despite how it seems, Rose actually gets along quite well with those from other houses. Jade Harley, for one, a Ravenclaw interested in - and unfairly good at - muggle nuclear physics; and Kanaya Maryam, a fashion designer in Hufflepuff. Both of them are close friends and confidants; and just as unfairly attractive as Serket is.

Rose hates it. Why is she constantly surrounded by attractive people? She just wants to get through school.

(She may hate it, but she will never complain - after all, who _would_ complain about being surrounded by attractive people? Self-conscious people, perhaps, but Rose has never been self-conscious - she knows she is beautiful, with her pale blonde hair and striking violet eyes. Perhaps people would call her self-centered, or vain, or overconfident, but Rose would disagree.)

“Prepare to be taken down in the House Cup,” she tells them, satisfaction practically oozing from her voice as she settles on the picnic blanket Kanaya had so lovingly stitched back in second year.

“Oh no,” Jade says, dismay filling her voice, “You’re scheming. I can tell. Please don’t scheme, Rose, it never ends well.”

“Correction,” Rose says, studiously avoiding pleading green eyes, “ _Dirk’s_ schemes never end well. Mine often turn out perfectly fine, thank you very much.”

“That’s not true at all,” Kanaya interrupts, green-painted lips tilting up into a smirk. Rose despairs at how it affects her. “Remember that time in third year, when-”

“We do not talk about the time in third year!” Rose interrupts hurriedly. Jade bursts into laughter, her voice ringing clear and beautiful across the great lake.

“You’re right, I forgot about that rule.” Kanaya’s voice is clearly amused, and Rose knows for a _fact_ that she never forgot about the rule.

(Sometimes she hates her friends.)

“Just don’t get us caught up in whatever you’re planning,” Jade says, once her giggles have finally died down. “But I’m sure it’ll turn out fine.”

* * *

It doesn’t take long for Serket to rope Feferi Peixes into their scheme - a girl who is never mean, consistently finds _some_ way to incorporate pink into her uniform and is the younger sister of the certified Queen of Slytherin, seventh-year prefect Meenah Peixes.

She’s bubbly and gorgeous, and Rose is reminded time and time again of why she’ll never survive to seventh year - her poor, gay heart. It can’t take much more of this.

Regardless of the mortality rates of living around gorgeous people, their plan goes ahead smoothly. Feferi - who is quite adept at transfiguration, surprisingly; specifically anything that involves turning an inanimate object into a living, breathing being - turns a teacup into a mouse and sends it running up to Vodka Mutini, the resident cat. Predictably, Vodka Mutini - who used to belong to Rose’s mother, actually, before he was gifted to Hogwarts - followed it as it ran off in the opposite direction.

Then it’s Rose’s turn. Being quite adept at charms, she casts a delayed lumos maxima and leaves it hanging in the hallway outside the head of Gryffindor’s door. The Dolorosa, Kanaya’s mother, is well-known for being just as harsh on her own students as she is on any other; which makes her the perfect choice for this endeavour.

Rose and Feferi then had ten minutes to escape back to their dormitories before the lumos maxima went off. They achieved this quite easily, with a simple disillusionment charm - “Simple?” Serket exclaimed when Rose explained her plan, “You’re utterly mad, Lalonde. I love it.” - and some sprinting.

This left the rest up to Serket; who had challenged some fourth-year Gryffindors to a duel and was relying on her insane luck to get her out of sight before she was caught. Rose and Feferi, of course, would have no way of knowing how successful she’d been until the next morning.

“We’re counting on you,” Rose whispers to the ceiling that night, thinking of the menace with black hair and blue-painted lips.

* * *

Walking by the hourglasses on the way to the Great Hall proved, with little to no uncertainty, that they’d been successful. Smirking, Rose threw a look at Jade, who sighs, put out. Her cousin is, after all, in Gryffindor; and his sense of competition is legendary. Rose’s brother won’t be getting out of this with no effort - he’s half in love with the aforementioned Harley cousin.

Walking down the Slytherin table to her usual seat, she shares an inconspicuous high-five with Feferi, and pecks Serket on the cheek before continuing to her spot.

(If she blushes, secretly, and thinks of how it would feel to have her lips on Serket’s own instead, well. That’s for her to know, and everyone else to never find out.)

**Author's Note:**

> Also written for the Expecto Patronum Zine! I finished this one a lot faster, the inspiration just kind of... flew.


End file.
